There's Me
by JOVANKA
Summary: It's the 10th anniversary of Claire's passing and Mac must undertake the most difficult task of his life at the memorial service.


There's Me.

**Legal Stuff**:-Unfortunately not mine or this would happen in S8 Episode1 since I refuse to believe for even one moment that Stella would not move heaven and earth to have been with Mac yesterday. The lyrics are from Starlight Expresses 'There's me.'

**A/N:**For all who lost their lives on 9/11 and all those who have perished since fighting to protect the ideals of democracy and freedom nothing is ever forgotten.

**New York September 11****th**** 2011.**

"**I'll be near standing by never fear you can cry in a while you will smile and I'll be there to see."**

"All right Mac time to man up you can do this" He tells himself as he joins the line of people slowly making its way up to the podium "You have to for her, for Claire you can't let her down today of all days..."

"Sombody should go with him..." Jo mutters to Flack as she and the rest of the team watch Mac prepare to read out his late wife's name to the silent crowd "He shouldn't be doing this alone."

"It's what he wanted" Lindsay whispers softly they all knew that Mac felt that this was his job and his alone, one last gift to the woman he'd loved.

"And when he makes his mind up nothing on this earth can change it" Danny nods.

"Well almost nothing" Flack points out.

"What are you taking about" Jo wonders as Mac moves further along the line looking asthough he has the weight of the whole world resting on his shoulders.

"They mean Stella, he'd do just about anything for Stella" Hawkes explains "He worships the ground she walks on."

"She'd move heaven and earth for him too" Adam nods "Not to mention everything in-between."

"Then shouldn't she be here then? St Stella of New Orleans" Grumbles Jo.

"Yeah she should" Flack admits "I don't understand why she would leave him alone today it's not like her at all."

"She said she'd be here, so she'll be here" Lindsay insists.

"I only hope you right" Jo sighs "Because he's falling apart up there."

It's almost his turn now there's just an elderly couple who lost their son ahead of him and his legs feel like Jell-O. Of All the difficult and dangerous things he's seen and done, the evil that men do he deals with every single day of his life nothing has prepared him for this moment, nothing ever could, could it? Out of the corner of his eye he sees his team waiting and watching, silently sending him their prayers and support but still no Stella he had hoped she'd be here alright maybe he didn't deserve it since his own stubborn refusal to apologise was responsible for them not speaking but he had felt sure she would come today and he could put that right. She had her own life in New Orleans he knew that and she didn't owe him a damn thing or Claire but it didn't stop Mac wishing she was by his side with all his heart. As he mounts the last few steps to the dais he's spots Reed Garrett in the crowd. The younger man as every right to be here of course, Claire was his mom and now he's a parent himself to an adorable six month old baby girl Gracie Claire who already has her late Grandmother's sweet smile. Standing next to Reed is his wife Sophie and he has his arms securely held around his girls, briefly Mac wonders what sort of Grandmother Claire would have made a doting one would be his guess. They had often talked about children but somehow it had never quite happened for them little baby Taylors and now it never would, would it? The sense of loss overwhelms him, waves of grief for the life he and Claire will never share, for what he's lost seem to crash down over him, overpowering him and as he takes his turn at the microphone he cannot speak. He stands there dumbstruck as the tears trickle down his face as the crowd waits expectantly but he can't speak, he can't move he can't do anything, there is no point anyway there is nothing left for him in this world anymore...not even Stella his one saving grace, even she's deserted him now. He simply can't do this not today, not ever he just doesn't have it in him.

"Pardon me sir, excuse me Ma'am, move it or lose it buster..." A very familiar if somewhat breathless voice breaks the silence and snaps Mac back from his trance. She's standing there Stella Bonasera, his Stella her damp curls sticking to her head and her equally damp clothes plastered to her body panting heavily hell if he'd didn't know better the ex-marine could swear she'd run all the way from New Orleans.

**"By yourself you have to cry yourself nobody else can cry the tears you have to cry but I will try there's me."  
><strong>

For the briefest moment blue eyes lock with green and a look of pure understanding passes between the two Detectives Mac simply nods his thanks and he begins.

"Claire Conrad-Taylor, daughter, mother, sister, friend and my beloved wife" He says simply and places a pure white rose by her name then descends to meet Stella and his team below.

"I'm sorry Mac the stupid Taxi broke down..." Stella tries to explain.

"Doesn't matter, nothing matters but that your here" He tells her truthfully.

"Where else would I be?" She smiles a small smile just for him "You know I'm always here for you... always no matter what."

"Good I was hoping you'd say that" He manages a small smile back and before she can react he pulls her into a warm embrace "Thank you Stel" He mumbles kissing her curls "Thank you for keeping me sane today and ten years ago."

"Your welcome" She says reveling in his caress "Anytime."

"**When you're okay again you look around find that I'm no longer there I'll still be near somewhere you're not alone, there's me There's always me."  
><strong>

Finis.


End file.
